Dear Susan,
I was so pleased to hear that you agree with me about crating. It is hard to find like minded humans, and, in fact, they often don’t even try to understand my feelings about the woes of crating. That said, I want to invite you to participate in a fund raiser hosted by Abolish the Crate Federation. I’m not sure what you’ve heard about Abolish the Crate Federation since the media publishes much misinformation about our goals so I will enlighten you. I will state unequivocally that we are NOT a cult. Why the media continues to state that on national television is beyond me.
I started Abolish the Crate Federation after spending time in a crate when I firmly believe I should have been training and enjoying life. No matter how much I protested in the crate (and yes, there were times I was inspired by the Black Panther organization and committed some vandalism but I can explain that later), all that would happen was me getting yelled at and subsequently ignored. Undeterred, I decided that a more formal approach to getting released from the crate was necessary and Abolish the Crate Federation was born. The board and I are currently writing our manifesto but the aim of Abolish the Crate Federation is to free every single adult pooch from the confines of their crate (except for Border Collies; those dogs are so obsessive-complusive they must be forced to relax). We have no issue with those dogs who freely choose to spend time in their crate and we have several in our organization who enjoy being crated. We are a for profit organization and this is where your help is needed.
The tale has been passed down throughout the generations of the Huntley brothers that you are an excellent tugger. In fact, rumor has it that your tugging skills are legendary mainly due to your unwillingness to call it quits. (I heard that you once tugged with Tucker for about 2 hours; is that true? That was one lucky dog!). Tugging is a skill that many humans aspire to but few achieve on the level that most dogs enjoy. Endurance, enthusiasm, and an ability to forgive the accidental misplacement of a canine tooth on an arm are a few of the things I’m looking for in a tugging partner. Perhaps you would be willing to donate a tugging session in our upcoming raffle? I’m sure we could fetch (no pun intended) a sizable donation for a tugging session with you.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Please feel free to contact me anytime. I look forward to working with you.
Sincerely,
Dawson Earnest Huntley
President & CEO
Abolish the Crate Federation
