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In the foreground of the photo is a a beautifully decorated birthday cake with colorful frosting and decorations. The cake is adorned with candles shaped like the number '2' to celebrate a second birthday. Sitting proudly behind his cake is Jones, a honey-colored golden retriever, smiling at the camera and wearing a Happy Birthday hat.

Dear Friends, Family, Fans and Abolish the Crate Federation Members,

March is a month of celebration in our house because Jones had a birthday – the big 2! He got to run in the pasture (his favorite thing), do a little training, and share his birthday cake with me. A very nice birthday, indeed!

I asked Jones if he would like to reflect upon his last year (“Maybe,” he replied) and if he had any goals he would like to discuss since he didn’t do any New Year’s resolutions. In a rare moment of talkativeness, Jones shared with me his ideas for his second year.

Jones: “In answer to your question about goals for this year. Yes. I do have one main goal.”

Dawson: “Great! What is it?”

Jones: “I plan on achieving total domination in the stick industry.”

Dawson: “Like Amazon does with pretty much any product on the planet?”

Jones: “Yes!”

Dawson: “I’m must confess, I’m a little worried. Are you planning on driving the smaller stick companies out of business by undercutting their prices?”

Jones: “Of course not! I love a good competition!”

Dawson: “Why is that?”

Jones: “One, it forces me to continue to provide a quality product. Two, I don’t mind competing for the top spot. Three, I love going to the annual Stick Convention in Las Vegas. If I got rid of all the competition, there’d be no Stick Convention. Finally, I do love to be in first place and in order to be considered a winner, someone else has to be in second, third and fourth place.

Dawson: “And, I guess you have no desire to put Grandma’s Stick Emporium out of business? Especially since you often went there as a puppy and got a lot of sticks.”

Jones: “It’s a non-issue. I got Grandma to agree to give me a right of first refusal so I have an opportunity to purchase her business when she retires. We signed the paperwork last week.”

Dawson: “Very smart. Grandma’s been in the stick business for many dog years so she might be ready to retire and travel.”

Jones: “Exactly! I have complied a list of all the stick companies whose owners are elderly and I will ask them to make the same deal as Grandma. It’s a win-win for everyone!”

Dawson: “What other companies are there?

Jones: “The big ones are Wayne’s Stick It To You, Stick Warehouse, and Sticks Are Us. Oh, and Big Betty’s Lumber Yard.”

Dawson: “Big Betty’s Lumber Yard?”

Jones: “Yes. She’s not selling sticks right now but it’s just a matter of time before that will occur to her with all that wood around.”

You gotta hand it to Jones. He’s a thinker.

There you have it. Chapter and verse.

Dawson Earnest Huntley, LLGH
President & CEO
Abolish The Crate Federation

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