January 20, 2017
Dear Abolish the Crate Federation Members,
Today I have a special treat for you! Not that kind of treat (sorry, poor choice of words). Grady requested to be a guest blogger and he has chosen a topic that is thought provoking if not controversial. I’m completely swamped with training this week so Grady’s offer came at a good time.
I hope you enjoy his writing.
Until next week,
Dawson Ernest Huntley
President & CEO
Abolish the Crate Federation
Squirrel vs. Tennis Ball: Which is better?
An opinion piece by Grady Buford Huntley
I have had many a conversation, admittedly heated at times, with several of my canine friends (with an occasional comment from a meddlesome cat). The subject in question is, which is better, a squirrel or a tennis ball? In my learned opinion, the tennis ball is by far better than the squirrel. Here are my reasons:
1. Tennis balls are portable and can be carried by both dog and human to different places thereby allowing one to enjoy a tennis ball in a variety of locations, both indoor and out. I have yet to see a human carry a squirrel in their pocket (although that would be very cool!). Furthermore, I can say without fear of contradiction that my Mom would never touch a squirrel much less carry one. I venture to say that is true of your human as well. And we all know squirrels are not allowed in the house.
2. You can actually catch a tennis ball. Now I am familiar with stories of dogs “catching” squirrels but I have yet to see it with my own eyes. When I question the source of the story, the response is vague which makes me question its authenticity. Sure, some of us have come close to catching a squirrel and, hey, wouldn’t we all like to, but like the saying goes, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
3. Your human can throw a tennis ball much farther than a squirrel. This is of utmost importance in the game of fetch.
4. You can bite down on a tennis ball without killing it. I believe this point needs no further explanation.
5. A tennis ball never gives you attitude about being slow. I tell you, squirrels can be quite sassy. There is no need to be disrespectful of another creature who simply wants to engage in a lively game of chase. I often find their behavior in poor taste and have no use for it.
Grady Buford Huntley, AX, AXJ
Spiritual Advisor, Abolish the Crate Federation
P.S. By the way, the cat preferred the squirrel which I found infuriating. What do cats know about tennis balls? How can they possibly offer an objective opinion?