Dear Friends, Family, Fans and Abolish the Crate Federation Members,
I am asking for a volunteer to help me deliver some rather unwanted news. It has been an unusual week here. Grady came up with an idea for another treat delivery system and it has about wore me out (which is very, very, very hard to do!). It all started when Grady found out about the Easter Bunny and the fact that the Easter Bunny delivers a basket full of treats to children. I saw the gleam in Grady’s eye when he learned of this and I knew then that the next few days would be a challenge.
Grady tends to be very level headed about most things but not about the delivery of treats (or tennis balls). Grady really believes that there should be an increase in daily treat distribution and is constantly thinking of ways to accomplish his goal of 2 to 3 treats a day, no matter if it’s earned or not. I don’t mind working for treats but Grady is retired and has a different view about working (or, should I say, not working?). Anyway, Grady’s idea is to recruit the Easter Bunny to include dog treats in the children’s baskets. He says you can’t go wrong capitalizing on the popularity of children.
Before dismissing Grady’s treat distribution plan, you should know he has the support of several canine rights groups. This includes the politically connected and well funded, “More Treats for K-9s Syndicate.” Also backing Grady is, “Treats For Fideo!”, a grassroots organization out of Arkansas that has experienced exponential growth this past year (Grady believes they have some of the best recruiting ads he has ever seen).
And, just last year, the internationally known DogTreats, Inc., voted to endorse Grady’s treat distribution plan. I should note that in the interest of full disclosure, Grady was a former board member. His current involvement with DTI is as a T.T.C., (treat tasting consultant).
I asked Grady how he was planning on contacting the Easter Bunny and he had a ready reply, “I’d like you to ask Vivian and Carl. I’m sure they know the Easter Bunny.” Vivian and Carl Collinsworth are two bunnies who live under the shed at our home. I’m not sure how Grady thinks I can talk to them because whenever I see them, I run over to say hello but Vivian races away while yelling at me, “Can’t talk! Gotta run!” while Carl nods his head in agreement and hurries after her.
Still, Grady is my brother and I am compelled to help him in any way I can. For several days I tried to get Vivian and Carl to speak with me but apparently they have very busy schedules and dashed off the minute they saw me. When I told Grady of my unsuccessful attempts to converse with them, he suggested I offer to pay them with a tennis ball for their help in finding the Easter Bunny.
I told Grady I didn’t think that was a good idea and suggested offering carrots and rabbit food instead but he was emphatic that I make the offer. For over an hour I attempted to persuade him to offer Vivian and Carl something other than a tennis ball. Grady’s response? “Who doesn’t love a tennis ball?” No one turns down a tennis ball! That would be insane!” were several of the many comments made by Grady. I was exhausted by the exchange and reminded how stubborn my brother could be.
Clearly, Grady wasn’t going to take no for an answer so the next morning I was sniffing around the shed and out dashes Vivian and Carl, with Vivian yelling, “Can’t talk! Gotta run!” with Carl nodding in agreement and running behind her. I quickly yelled, “Wait! If you help me find the Easter Bunny, I will give you a tennis ball!”
Vivian and Carl came to a screeching halt and with a look of utter confusion simultaneously said, “What’s a tennis ball?”
Now, who’s gonna tell Grady?
There you have it. Chapter and verse.
Dawson Earnest Huntley
President and CEO
Abolish The Crate Federation
P.S. If anyone has contact with the Easter Bunny please PM me on FB.
P.P.S. HAPPY EASTER!!!!!